
Motherhood: oh, no one ever prepared me for this unbelievable journey. I have been so surprised. I remember the day we brought little guy home...we were so excited. We all came in the house together..and just looked around wondering what to do next. Feed, change diaper, rock, kiss, rock, kiss, try to sleep and repeat. Then, the second week came. What a change! Feed, change diaper, rock, kiss, mommy cries, kiss, mommy cries, try to sleep, cry some more, and repeat. Yes, that's right, I said it. Cry! I don't think I was at all ready for this part. Then, the third week came..along with all of the crying. We think Samuel has reflux..and he literally cries all of the time..as well as his mommy. Parenthood is so much harder than I had imagined.
Go back 10 months: I found out I was pregnant. I have never been more excited. I dreamed of my nursery, the baby smell, and the bond that I would have immediately with this new little soul. I remember being so completely overwhelmed with love before I even met him. I read lots of books and prepared for the magical day when we would meet him. I just knew everything would go as planned. Contractions, epidural, lots of phone calls and hanging out, quick pushing and voila...baby would arrive. Breastfeeding would go great..and of course and my baby would be so wonderful and agreeable. Not God's plan
Go back 3 weeks: Labor started on Sunday May 10th. We went to the hospital around 2 am contracting every 3 minutes..but were sent home because I hadn't dilated yet. I labored all night and all of the next day. We returned to the hospital at 7pm on Monday night and we were finally admitted at 10pm. I was informed at 7am on Tuesday that we were having a C-section. After being completely "snowed" by drugs during the surgery, I couldn't even hold my sweet love after the C-section. This continued for about 12-15 hours. Not my plans!
New Perspective: after having Samuel for over 3 weeks now, I realize that our plans aren't always God's plans. I have always known this..but never really experienced it. God threw me some major curve balls..and still is. I never would have guessed I would have a baby with reflux or even worse..maybe colic. I never would have guessed that my baby would cry all day and night unless sleeping or eating. I never would have guessed that I would be so emotional and so overwhelmingly in love..all at the same time. After 3 weeks of feeling so sorry for myself and wondering why..I realize how blessed I really am. God has given me this very special child to love and raise..and he has picked Thad and I out of everyone else to do it. My baby is healthy, not in the NICU, not premature, no major issues and completely precious. So I choose today to stop the complaining. To love this little guy with all that I have..and to make every moment for the next little while about him. To praise my God everyday that he gave me this precious gift. To understand how completely blessed and abundantly loved we really are. Thank you God!
Every day I sing to my sweet Samuel and this song always comes to mind first. I look at his sweet hands, his little ears, his button nose...and think how absolutely amazing God is. I stand in awe of God everyday for this tiny miracle. Here are the lyrics:
You are beautiful beyond description
Too marvelous for words
Too wonderful for comprehension
Like nothing ever seen or heard
Who can grasp your infinite wisdom
Who can fathom the depths of your love
You are beautiful beyond description
Majesty enthroned above
And I stand, I stand, in awe of you
I stand, I stand, in awe of you
Holy God, to whom all praise is due
I stand in awe of you
Thank you Lord for this amazing gift!